Governmental Encounters...

Hey there Rafikis!!

   So lately I've been having run-ins with the government; Chicago government, and soon, the Federal government.

   Sorry friends, we can't blame Blagojevich for this one. I decided I'm done telling the story of the traffic ticket, but long story short I was pulled over for making an illegal u-turn in the city of Chicago. Apparently they're not allowed in the city unless someone's having a baby on top of the Sears tower at the stroke of mid-night on July 45 (there are many ways to get a ticket making a u-turn in chi town. There are no signs that tell you not to. take my advice...just don't). Anyway, I came back to Chicago on January 15 to fight the ticket.

   I parked. I didn't really contemplate that there could be restrictions other than what was on the meter, but I should've known what the locals do: When they park, they check the meter, check the curb, check the street, check the poles, walk around the block, check for tics, then walk away from the car. I also realized that they wake up every 30 minutes through the night to make sure their cars are still there. 

  I didn't know all this. So I parked. On a snow route. Where they tow cars in the wee hours of the morning (between 3 and 7 am). The next morning, I ventured out to retrieve my car (so I could go to COURT!) and it was gone. Like yesterday is gone. Like history is gone. Like Elvis and his mom...well, you get the picture.

  I walked around the block for a sign to tell me where they took it (whoever they were), and for once, Chicago failed to post a sign (do you sense the sarcasm?) I called 311 and they said they held Bertha (my '05 Honda Pilot) somewhere in Saudi Arabia (far east).

  We rode a bus for half an hour. We walked half a mile. The temperature could freeze you in half a second (-40 wind chill...yah!). Minus three toes, I arrived at Chicago impound lot 2, open from 9:00-5:00. Lot 3 is 24 hours, yet they have the same office building...I'm done trying to figure Chicago out.

  I proceeded to chop of my right arm and my left leg and handed them over in exchange for Bertha. She had been kidnapped, mistreated and abused, and did I pay for it!

  I parked her again... this time across the street from the scene of the kidnapping. Apparently it doesn't snow THERE between 3 & 7 am.

 Remembering that I was already in Chicago to fight the law, I (and my accomplice and ever ready Chicago city born friend, Toya) began the trek to Chicago city traffic court. There was no way you could convince me to drive farther into the wilderness. We took the Red Line.

UPON ARRIVING...

     ...I discovered that they had spelled my name wrong in several different places, in several different ways. So I didn't know where I was supposed to be. After a court clerk pointed me in the right direction, I checked in, sat down, and prepared to be entertained by all these clearly guilty people looking for some semblance of grace from the judge. Oh...wait. That was me.

    So apparently this U-Turn thing is a big problem in Chicago; two people before me pleaded guilty and guilty-with-explanation. After they both pleaded guilty and gave the same explanation as I would have given, they were pardoned with reduced fines ($5 for one of them), and astronomical court costs ($135) which the judge had "no choice but to administer. It's the cost of doing business". So...pleading guilty was not an option. I figured I'd plead "not guilty", get a chance to explain myself to the judge in a trial, and see what happens from there.

   While the judge fumbled over my name, I fumbled over how I was going to explain myself after my "not guilty" plea. When my "trial" came up, the prosecutor and the judge decided not to "proceed with prosecution" or something like that. I turned and hopped out (remember no leg) a free man, without any fines. And that was fine.

   Brothers and sisters, I write to you from the family room of the Gemmell's house in Maryland watching a TIVO'd episode of Man Vs. Wild with Nate. I'm getting ready to be in DC for the inauguration tomorrow. What's funny is, this is about to be a pleasant encounter with the government. After this last Chicago fiasco, I could really use one. The pics that are posted are from our trip here (TODAY!) and our arrival in MD. I'll write later and let you know what it was like to be in the Nation's capital while Barack Obama is being sworn in as the 44th president of the United States of America. Have a good night friends.

- Fidi